What to Do if Someone Is Ruining Your Reputation
Dear Emily,
I am the victim of a character assassination at piece of work. I have been at my current workplace for x years. A new colleague seems to be jealous of my successes and has started spreading stories, gossip, and rumors, stating that I am a hard colleague to piece of work with. At work, I am straight in my comments, and every bit a woman, I am judged more harshly past speaking up. The gossip, rumors, and slander are ruining my reputation and dissentious my career. Despite squad coaching, the behavior and the storytelling has non stopped. Unfortunately, many people are starting to believe the stories that are existence told. In that location are members of my arrangement that believe in me, and have acknowledged that the event is my colleague and her misrepresentation of who I am. There is an opportunity for me to address this in a public forum—an organization-wide meeting. Is confronting this result publicly a dauntless movement or a suicide mission?
Sincerely,
Reputation on Life Support
Dear Reputation on Life Support,
I can hear the frustration in your question. What a tough situation to be in! Yous work hard, have dedicated 10 years to an organization, and now your reputation is being harmed. Reading betwixt the lines, I am guessing that you feel like you accept washed everything you can and at present you are looking for validation that the "nuclear" option is the correct manner to go. Addressing the issue in a public forum is a big, big footstep to have. So, before we go there, let'south back up and run into if there aren't other, smaller steps that you could take to motility toward what you really want.
First, have yous had a conversation with this person direct? You lot mention team coaching but I don't see anything that says you have talked to this person, identified the behavior, and requested that it stop. Assuming you accept not done that, this is the first and best place to commencement.
A few things to consider as you lot agree the conversation:
Unbundle with CPR. Every bit with every conversation, you want to consider whether this is a content, design, or relationship issue. Clearly, not a content issue here equally y'all report this has been going on for some fourth dimension. And, since information technology seems articulate that this is impacting both your relationship with this person and your human relationship with others, I would say you are as well past the pattern chat. You need to concur a relationship chat.
Describe the Gap. This straightforward pace is oft i of the hardest to do because you take to get really clear on your expectations and on the specific, factual observations. Brainstorm by sharing your expectations. You might get-go by saying, "I have worked here for ten years and have always valued the professional, respectful behavior of my colleagues. Respect for others has been, in my experience, an unwritten dominion around here." Then, share your observations of this person's behavior. Be as factual as possible. This might audio like, "I accept heard from a few people that they take heard you say things nearly me that seem disrespectful. For case…." Now, because you lot haven't heard this direct, you lot desire to make certain that you don't overstate. Be conscientious to analyze this: "I haven't heard any of this direct so I am non sure what you really said." Then invite the other person into the dialogue with a question: "Tin you help me understand?"
Opening upwardly with a question allows for the other person to agree with the gap y'all take described or share her differing perspective. Either way, information technology gets the chat started.
Accept Small Steps in the Chat. Especially when an upshot has built up over time, it tin can be easy to leap right into the chat and try to resolve everything at once. That can be overwhelming and atomic number 82 us to be overly forceful. Instead, consider this a serial of conversations, each with a detached, small goal. For example, your goal for this first conversation may simply be to see if the other person will acknowledge what she has said to others about you. Your next step or objective might exist to have a chat about whether she sees her remarks as disparaging or not, whether her remarks marshal with the standards of respect you accept in your organization. At each footstep, your goal should be to sympathize the other person's perspective, not to change the other person'south beliefs.
Wait, really? If at this point you lot are thinking I am totally off my rocker, then salubrious. This ways you really are paying attention because yes, I really did just say that your goal should Non be to change the other person's beliefs. If you enter a conversation with that goal, it volition come up through and it will promote resistance and defensiveness. Though this may seem counterintuitive, if you really want to change someone'southward behavior, if yous really desire to be in a position to influence someone's behavior, you have to beginning past letting go of that goal and instead focusing on understanding the other person's beliefs and his or her perspective of that behavior.
Next, let'due south assume that you have held the chat and the behavior continues. What practise y'all do now? Is it time for the nuclear pick still?
While yous can always bound right to public shaming, you still have a couple of steps left in your escalation path you may want to consider. For example, try having the chat in the presence of a neutral third party who you both respect. Having someone listen in and coach through a difficult chat will help you both exist on your all-time behavior. If that doesn't piece of work, consider talking to your HR representative. This accomplishes a couple of objectives. First, you will probably become some expert advice on how to handle the situation. Second, it volition give yous a adventure to formally document the situation.
So, now is information technology time for public shaming? Nope. It's not and that's because information technology should never be time for public shaming. Property crucial conversations in a public forum can exist effective and appropriate when the event is something that is impacting multiple people or when you need the collective wisdom of the group to solve a problem or come up to understanding. Public crucial conversations are almost never effective when your goal is to use the tide of public opinion to shame someone into change, which I fear may exist your underlying motive. While an "intervention" may have a place in a therapeutic setting, it doesn't belong in a respectful workplace.
Skilful Luck,
Emily
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Source: https://cruciallearning.com/blog/recovering-from-a-ruined-reputation/